Author: Amanda McMahon

Successful, middle-aged couple seeks a competent carpenter to remodel our home in Hilo. 

I knew that renovating our house on Big Island would be challenging. Contractors are in short supply. They only want big projects. Our project is small. Allegedly, remodels are harder than new builds. 

The work culture is relaxed. People do not work before 10am or after 3pm. Nobody is working if the surf’s just right. 

Locals who need work done have learned to be patient. They’ve done the work themselves. They know someone who knows someone, or they have adapted. I am still adapting.

Early in the project, I naively envisioned our own little HGTV series. “Dave,” I said excitedly, “we could advertise a work trade! We’ll offer the downstairs guest room in exchange for a set number of construction hours. We’ll get so many carpenter surfers. This job will be done in no time!”

Dave was not convinced. He trusted the process. We hired a local interior designer, because she has the contacts. She knows the good contractors. Contractors are going to want to work with her, because then they’ll get more work.

Our designer’s first choice for a general contractor passed. The second passed because our property’s location might cause a permitting nightmare with the county. The third said he wasn’t able to start until 2026.

After the first contractor passed, Dave started talking crazy. “Amanda, how would you feel about me tackling some of this remodel?”

Even though it was dark in the bedroom, I’m sure he saw the horror on my face. The few home projects he completed in the past made our house uglier. “You are good at so many things, but I don’t think carpentry is one of them,” I said.

I thought that ended the conversation. Sadly, it did not. Dave continued to expound on the virtues of being our own carpenter. The quickest way to my heart is frugality. But, I didn’t want to make our house worse and NEVER be able to find anyone to fix it, because there are no hireable workmen on our island.   

I whined to our contractor, “Dave is threatening to do the remodel himself. He is researching the owner/builder regulations of the Hawaii County Code.” 

“Don’t worry,” she said, “we’ll find someone good.”

The next day Dave ordered an Audible book called, “How to Be Your Own Contractor.” I panicked. I started asking everyone I knew for carpenter recommendations. 

If I sound like I’m complaining, please know, I’m really not. I live in a beautiful house overlooking a surf break. My husband is literally the sweetest man alive, even when uber focused.

Plus, I’ve been through this before. Finding a contractor for my 1940’s plantation-style beach house in Hawaii is exactly like trying to find true love online. Possible, but fraught. In the end, it will be better than I ever imagined. I just need to be patient.

Dave and Amanda contracted a parasite 5 weeks ago after dining out at one of their favorite Hilo restaurants to celebrate the upcoming closing on Home-o-li’i. At first, they suspected food poisoning. They thought the next time we get sick, it’ll be nice that we’ll have more bathrooms.

A few days after moving their sleeping mats into the new house, the stomach bug struck again. They learned that while having more than one bathroom is nice, getting off the floor in the night when you’re in extreme GI distress is not ideal.

Amanda and Dave were perplexed by the second round of stomach trouble. Could they have been infected by someone or something else? Dave did a deep dive into the norovirus and concluded reinfection was unlikely.

Amanda’s Aunts Jeanne and Loyce visited from the mainland and came down with the stomach flu. Were they infected by Amanda and Dave? Or, did they catch something on the plane?

Jeanne and Loyce recovered while Amanda and Dave continued to be plagued by stomach pain, nausea, and all other associated grossness. Finally, they contacted their doctor.

Dr. H referred Amanda and Dave to the lab for a blood test and stool sample. They are happy to say their marriage still stands after home collection and preparation (shudder) of two stool samples. Although, Dave could not look at “the room where it happened” for many hours after his wife collected her sample.

Amanda’s labs returned normal. Amanda excels at giving normal labs even when her body is in great distress. While Dave’s labs indicated a high presence of a white blood cell that is a marker for a parasitic infection. 25% of Dave’s white blood cells were fighting the parasite. Dave’s body excels at fighting external threats.

Dr. H diagnosed Amanda and Dave with a likely parasitic infection and prescribed a course of medication. There were no side effects to taking this medication. The doctor warned that the medicine could not kill bug eggs. He said if any eggs hatched Amanda and Dave would need another round of drugs.

Amanda and Dave took their pills and went back to life sleeping on their floor mats. A week later, Amanda was struck down with another round of the parasite flu. Amanda took a second course of antibiotics, but continued to feel ill for an entire week. She missed a week of work and completely depleted her sick leave.

Dave was struck down three days later. This time Dave did a deep research dive into the parasite Giardia, pictured en mass below eating intestines.

Amanda agreed their symptoms aligned. Unfortunately, Dr. H was camping in a remote part of the island for spring break. So, Dave wasn’t able to get medicine immediately.

In order to deal with possible disease vectors in their house,they turned their hot water heater to scalding and ran all faucets for five minutes to rule out water borne infection. They used Clorox on all surfaces. Now that Amanda is recovered she will drive the bedding to the old house for laundering.

Despite the illness, Dave has amassed an impressive collection of yard tools. Their home inspector noted several trees that needed removal, including one large palm tree that was hitting the house. Dave removed all shrubbery contacting the house.

Dave aims to prune the southeast cliff to improve their view and expand their yard. He also plans to eradicate all plants from the driveway. Amanda has unsuccessfully hidden her frowns about the heap of lawn equipment, the ugliness of Dave’s landscaping, and the trail of grass littering the new house.

Truly, despite the bugs and Dave’s lawn project, they remain very much in love.